When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
