Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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