My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
