Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
