Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
