go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
