hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
