I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
