Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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