it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
