Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
