rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
