youre lurking in front of me
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
