Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
