Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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