Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
