this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
