remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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