my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
