Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
