My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
