new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
