He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
