Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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