My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
