whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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