ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
