Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just google imaged poop.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
