Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
