Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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