What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My Sexting was not on an AP level
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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