you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize