does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
