Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
