Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
How does one acquire holy water?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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