yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
