Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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