4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
