its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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