Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
