He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
