Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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