I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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