Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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