Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Randomize
