Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
