Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
