I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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