3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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