"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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