1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
