You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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