Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Be still, my beating vagina.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
