Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
