i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
farters have to be the big spoon...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
