I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
