I cockslap morals
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm just crazy horny about you
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
