and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
