You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
