Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
