Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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