I am in a vortex of obligation.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
