yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
