ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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