She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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