That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
