oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
